when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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