After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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