when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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