can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
May the power of my ass compel you!!
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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