You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
