is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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