What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
bring money and cleavage
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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