I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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