shes about as inviting as chlamydia
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
