he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
