What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
