Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
