When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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