My liver just broke up with me...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
