What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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