dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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