So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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