I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
