i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
