i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
