if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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