my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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