it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Randomize
