How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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