the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
