dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Found your dick twin last night
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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