I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
