we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize