So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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