Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I understand Curling. That high.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
