Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
