Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
