you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
