I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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