If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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