remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
