So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
