kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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