he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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