I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Say something about gay babies.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
this is an emotional support booty call
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
