I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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