Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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