I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
