there's paper in my vomit.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
