Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
