Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
