i just google imaged poop.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
