he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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