so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
