come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
