yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
