i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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