Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
