I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
