new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize