I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
