You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
operation have a gay friend backfired
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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