I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
