meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
