Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I think I just sharted jello shots
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
