butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
