dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
